“I'm tired of the abuse, sick of being misused."
Album: "For My Peace", Single | Track Eight: Won't Take It | SelahLuke.com
Growing up and into adulthood, I seemed drawn to plenty of people who liked to use me as the scapegoat for their verbal, psychological, or emotional abuse. Apparently, I had that “I can be myself around you” quality, which was weaponized by those I looked up to, chose to be in relationships with, etc. It took me years to realize my part in that and what work I had to put in to get out of this cycle.
“I Can’t Take This. I Won’t Take It. I Can’t Take this anymore”
The back and forth of the chorus is symbolic of the confusion I felt in my mind while writing this. I was torn. On one hand, I was sitting on the brink of my ability and thinking I “can’t” take it anymore, but knowing I was still strong enough to keep holding on. On the other, I was slowly realizing that self-worth is also important, and at some point I would have to decide that I “won’t” take abuse.
“Who hurt you to make you think no one else has worth?”
Truth is, rarely is the abuse you face about you. While recording this song, and especially while singing this line, we had to restart multiple times because my voice kept cracking as I held back tears. I pictured those people in my mind, and imagined saying this to them, knowing the depth it held. Through that process, I was able to pull myself out of the pain, be objective, and realize that it wasn’t about me. They were hurting, (and/or just narcissistic /some kind of -pathic) and simply chose to take it out on me. It’s not okay, but it’s a sad reality.
“You stomp on my dreams, and say you’re done with me… oh, honey, no.”
Anyone who builds you up, just to tear you down…
Anyone who refuses to believe you’ll ever succeed and reminds you of it often…
Anyone who pretends that they have never hurt, victimized, or abused you…
Anyone who refuses to take responsibility for their actions…
Anyone who gaslights you, manipulates for their gain, lies about you to others, etc…
They likely don't love you.
It’s a hard pill to swallow. If you can’t digest that yet, know that at the very least, they don’t have anyone’s interests but their own in mind. RUN from these people before the toxicity kills you and who you want to be.
"I wanna believe in you, and I wanna be close to you. But I am still human, too. I'll forgive, but walk away , 'cuz you won't change"
It’s not easy. BELIEVE ME, I understand.
You may question yourself 100 times and wonder if you’re overthinking it. (Likely, you’re not.)
You might think “they can change/I can change them!” (they have to choose that on their own)
In my case, I had to choose to walk away due to lack of change, though it still breaks my heart.
Maybe for you, the relationship can be saved. Maybe it can’t. Decide what you’re willing to handle, what’s worth your soul, and move forward with self-confidence and the strength to break cycles of co-dependency caused by abusive behaviors. If it’s a close relationship, such as with a parent, I pray that change is possible and reconciliation can happen.
Whether you can “stay” or not, in the end, please choose to say:
“I Wont Take This”
