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Track Eight: The Letter

“I'm tired of the abuse, sick of being misused."

Album: "For My Peace", Single | Track Eight: Won't Take It |

Growing up and into adulthood, I seemed drawn to plenty of people who liked to use me as the scapegoat for their verbal, psychological, or emotional abuse. Apparently, I had that “I can be myself around you” quality, which was weaponized by those I looked up to, chose to be in relationships with, etc. It took me years to realize my part in that and what work I had to put in to get out of this cycle.

“I Can’t Take This. I Won’t Take It. I Can’t Take this anymore”

The back and forth of the chorus is symbolic of the confusion I felt in my mind while writing this. I was torn. On one hand, I was sitting on the brink of my ability and thinking I “can’t” take it anymore, but knowing I was still strong enough to keep holding on. On the other, I was slowly realizing that self-worth is also important, and at some point I would have to decide that I “won’t” take abuse.

“Who hurt you to make you think no one else has worth?”

Truth is, rarely is the abuse you face about you. While recording this song, and especially while singing this line, we had to restart multiple times because my voice kept cracking as I held back tears. I pictured those people in my mind, and imagined saying this to them, knowing the depth it held. Through that process, I was able to pull myself out of the pain, be objective, and realize that it wasn’t about me. They were hurting, (and/or just narcissistic /some kind of -pathic) and simply chose to take it out on me. It’s not okay, but it’s a sad reality.

“You stomp on my dreams, and say you’re done with me… oh, honey, no.”

Anyone who builds you up, just to tear you down…

Anyone who refuses to believe you’ll ever succeed and reminds you of it often…

Anyone who pretends that they have never hurt, victimized, or abused you…