“Is this who I want to be? Am I who I wanted to know?”
One day I decided to be one of those “real musicians” who can just sit down and write an epic song, and went into it thinking I would be writing a love song. I sat there at the piano, played until I found a riff I liked, and started attempting to put words to it.
I definitely didn’t write a love song.
“Once Upon A Time I Saw you, I really knew your heart…
“Now it seems that time has changed us, the future is not in focus”
As I was working, I was thinking about how you can’t really TRULY love others until you know who you are and love at least parts of yourself. Doing the work to become who you want to be, who you always dreamed of becoming.. that’s the first step to loving others. (especially a spouse, since they get the best and worst parts of you.
Instead of a love song, I ended up writing a reflection song. I picture looking in the mirror and asking if I like who I’m becoming. Because in the end, that’s all we have.
Problem is, I didn’t. I had lofty goals and ambitions, but I didn’t really pursue them.
I had an ideal of the kind of friend and wife I wanted to be, but I wasn’t putting in the effort required. I had let life jade me and succumbed to bitterness and depression. I wanted to be someone I wasn’t taking the steps to become and honestly…it was humbling.
“It’s up to me to laugh at failure, time to take my chance”
So I made a decision sitting at the piano that day: I was going to live every day in light of who I wanted to be. I aimed to live my life in a way I could be proud to look back on, proud to live, content to enjoy. We all have more potential than we let ourselves live, and I wanted to finally live up to it.
That was a few years ago now, and I know I have a long way to go still. I’ve accepted that I’ll never fully be who I envisioned, because who I envisioned was unachievable. Instead, I focus on the aspects I can achieve daily: I admit when I’m wrong, savor moments throughout the day to take joy in living, go out of my way to help others in need, do the little things that I know my loved ones crave, and take daily small steps towards my goals. I fail, break down, and feel like I’ll never make it… but the next day, I try again.
I know I have a long way to go to be the person I want to be, but in a way, this song has inspired me to never give up on the effort. I don’t know about you, but some days that is the hardest step. If I can do it, so can you. It’s never too late!