Updated: Mar 16
"...if you love me, let me go..."
Track Three: If You Love Me (Let Me Go) | selahluke.com
Back when I was leaving the high school years and before I ran off to a ranch in Colorado, there was a guy. We’d known each other for years, something grew between us, and he wanted to give it a real try… but something held me back. We became a couple, but I never let it get “Facebook Official” for one simple reason: I could see our life together. All of it. I saw the epic dates we’d continue to have, the proposal, the wedding, the kids, the life we’d likely build helping each other pursue our passions…all of it. It was lovely, and what some would dream of, but it terrified me. Why? I also could see all the toxicity that was already showing itself, which fights we’d have, the ways he’d try to control me and I’d try to change him, the annoyances and subtle lies I couldn’t live with, the parts of ourselves we’d have to let die to stay together…and it didn’t feel worth it. I could see that, above all, I likely wouldn’t become the woman I wanted to be.
“I'll never be who I want to be if I stay with you”
I wouldn’t commit to him because I knew we’re both never-quit people: he’d propose, and I’d feel obligated to follow the path. So one night after he helped me move, I led us into a big fight and then essentially ran away, never to truly return. Some might call this ridiculous. Heck, part of me does too. But when you just know there’s more good you can do apart than together? That your number one goal is to watch who you’re becoming, and this won’t be positive for either of you? That your goals don’t align, and you haven’t bound yourself to this person yet? You have to follow that instinct.
”you're not where I'm to be”
Years after I was married and was thinking back, I felt guilty for leaving how I did. Up one night tortured by my mind, I wrote this letter. It turned into a song, where I acknowledge that the truth is I just had to go. He wasn’t (isn’t) a bad guy, just was bad for me and who I wanted to become. That’s how it goes sometimes, right? Letting go of an unhealthy relationship and allowing the future to unfold a different way, can be the most incredible thing to look back on and be thankful for, even if it’s tough at the time. My hope is that this song will help you also empathize with and forgive your past self, then move on towards the future you’re supposed to live.
"..Let go of my heart..I promise yours will mend... You'll find somebody new, I will too. I just can't be with you..."
P.S. By the way, there is a happy ending to the story! We’re both married to different people, creating the lives we dreamed of. It all worked out exactly as it was supposed to. Your story will too.